I have done good in many ways since Thanksgiving, but I have been battling cravings even more since then. I believe I may need something in my diet that I am not getting, but does that justify slipping off my plan? I do need to find out what I need, so how do I achieve this without a binge incident? I am seriously asking all of you for help in this because I did it again last night. I know most of you have said this is something I should not get down about. However, for me this is an issue of control.
To allow for better understanding, here's what happened. It was once again the middle of the night. I had reheated the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers for Janell and she had left it out after she was done. About an hour later she went to bed and i saw it still out and I finished the remaining Green bean casserole and the candied yams, there was about a cup of each, maybe a cup and a quarter. The whole thing made me sick, and today I feel body pain, I had a headache, and I was nauseous most of the morning. I am just glad that I don't have to see any more of the leftovers, but why do I do this?
I feel horrible about throwing food away. I grew up knowing what it was like to go through times not having food. My mother was a single mother of four, and we seemed to never get ahead. We knew desperation at times. I was also sent to my grandmother's due to my abusive step father and I would gorge myself at my grandmothers, almost uncontrollably. The worst thing is she would defend it to anyone who caught me, also due to the "emotional damage" I had because of my step dad. I feel like this might be where some of this control issue came from, as well as the need to finish all the food and not waste any of it.
I have known this was a problem of mine for a long time, and I thought I had dealt with it in counseling, but I now feel very frustrated because it has such a power over me when it hits. In that moment I feel like I am compelled to not waste anything, and I get really mad when there is something thrown out. I don't know what to do because I can be doing so well and than it just hits me at the least prepared moments and I fall. I need your thoughts.
11-30-10 Progress Report. Frustrated, flustered, and utterly disappointed in myself. I will be doing Yoga after this post, and I have done it everyday now, but I don't want this to be due to guilt, it needs to be because I like it and want the results it gives. I am not as down on myself as I was on Thanksgiving and I think that is due to the Yoga as well. However I need to find out why this is happening and the scientist in me is grumbling...lol.
On a side note, if this is the first time you are reading, I invite you to please read all the posts so as to get an idea of where I am in this. I love the advice I receive, but it means a whole lot more if you know what I have been covering.
I love you all for following, I am completely humbled and honored that you are along with me in this journey, thank you more than you will ever know. Lastly, read my wife's comment post from yesterday's blog, she is my light house in the storm, this will give you an idea why. I wish she knew just how wonderful she is. I love you honey. James.
James its going to sound very run of the mill or whatever, but Im going to say it. At that moment when you are standing there fighting that battle you force yourself to walk away and PRAY. If you cant walk away then start singing Amazing Grace. Do something, anything to call out to the Lord. That is my first and best piece of advice. I will reply again a little later when I have more time, but for now stand on that advice. God is stronger than any of this and if we truly want His help He will step in and give it. It is the best thing to do at this moment, because you are in a serious battle. I dont know if its so much your body lacking anything... but I will talk more on that later.
ReplyDeleteLove you James.
Well what are you craving? You may need to eat a little bit more....Things that would help me when I would get major food hunger cravings,I would sometimes have a fiber bar, but the thing that really seemed to help me was getting the taste of food out of my mouth, sounds strange but it worked! I would brush my teeth after a meal and sometimes use a tounge scraper and it's would totally kill the cravings! It still works for me! And I wouldn't want to eat cause my mouth was all fresh and clean..lol:) That might really sound stupid to you but it did and does work for me to this day....but you know sometimes your body really does need a little bit more, escpecially if you have started to work out and and are getting around more than you were your body is using up the food and may need a little more until it can adjust to your new way of living! But another thing that did help me was just like your Aunt Margaret said PRAYER I know he WILL help you out, he helped me SO SO SO much on my journey and he WILL help you on your journey just keep ASKING...I am praying for you James you can do this and I hope some of the suggestions might help, I know they might sound silly...but try it! You can do it! Your so strong!
ReplyDeleteDookster I've been reading your post and responding but found out a couple days ago that none of my post have shown up. Just want to let you know how proud of you I am and that I am here for you if you need.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Caca!
James,
ReplyDeleteI understand your cravings, I wish there were a quick fix. If the craving is for taste, then taste, but if the craving is to satisfy an emotional need, think about what is pushing you to eat. You have covered this in an earlier post.
I am struggling with making the right choices again. Perhaps not having the wrong choices around will help strengthen your fight against your emotional cravings.
You and I both have to remember that some of these cravings are learned behaviors and sometimes cravings are a result of dehydration. Water, as boring as it can be, really makes a big difference.
I love you son! Keep shaking that can of paint! LOLOLOL......that was an awesome description! Still laughing......
Love you, Mom
James, food addiction is a very real issue, and the biggest problem is it's impossible to remove the issue from daily life. A person with an alcohol addiction should stay out of a bar. Period. But a person with a food addiction can not stay away from food. Right? Well, in fact, you can. At least the food that could pose a problem. And Thanksgiving is probably the hardest day of the year for this. This big huge feast, with tons of left overs, is right there in front of your face.
ReplyDeleteIt's like pouring a shot of whiskey and offering it to the alcoholic and wondering what will happen. It's hard to stay away from a family gathering, but it's not near as hard as maintaining control when delicious leftovers are in the fridge. Sounds like you did a good job until you were faced with leftovers. Don't put yourself in that difficult position again. Don't bring leftovers home.
Only keep food in the house that is acceptable and worthy to be a part of you and your family's regular diet. When I decided to only let my kids eat healthy chips, I didn't buy Doritos and just tell the kids not to eat them. I don't keep them in my pantry at all. No temptation for them. When I decided to loose some weight a couple months ago, I stopped buying my favorite chocolates until I have my momentum going so I can excercise restaint and have just one per day. We're only human after all.
I think you're doing very well. This process doesn't happen without a few hiccups.
As I said earlier, I don't think it's something you are lacking in your diet. It hasn't been going on long enough for you to be out of your stored up fats or sugars or any such thing. Well, you aren't lacking anything your body NEEDS. You are lacking in everything your body WANTS because it's used to bad stuff. It's not getting the things that slow it down, make you cuddle up with a blanket and TV and snooze cuz you are filled and "happy". Late night is the worst time, cuz that's when most of us do our emotional eating. That junk is what our bodies think we need to hit the relax and get ready for bed mode.
ReplyDeleteIt's simply not true, but you have to retrain your system. During this time you are going to feel like you are going crazy and sometimes you are just going to eat, but James one day you WILL overcome. I think it's great that you are setting up such high expectations for yourself and such admirable goals. Keep that up but stop condemning yourself or thinking something is really wrong with you when you don't control it every single second of every day.
Food addiction is plain and simple an ADDICTION. Addiction is not something to take lightly. Read Andrea's post over and over. What she said is true. Sometimes you HAVE to remove the temptations PERIOD. You are not the only person not strong enough to overcome this and the only way to prevent it during this type of weakness is to REMOVE it.
We all read Janell's post yesterday, and although we knew it, we were reminded how this affects the entire family. Well not only did your weight gain affect them, your weight loss will affect them too sometimes. As much as they were willing to stand up and help when the accident took you down like it did, they are also willing to help when it comes to food. Don't be afraid to ask for them to go with you on the healthy food journey and remove all the bad stuff from the home. And like I said in the beginning James... Im not talking about drastic measures where you throw away food. None of us can afford that one. But as something is used, replace it with a healthy alternative.
Ask your family for support in the food area. Don't think it's selfish to say you are too weak to have leftovers in the house. Don't be afraid to say you're too weak to go out to dinner with friends or family. The moments that are set aside now, will become great moments in the future when you are all able to "hit the road" and enjoy life as you never have.
I know you are probably thinking, why should I deprive anyone else just because I am wanting/needing to do this? Trust me James, they don't feel that way. They'd much rather have you around then to hinder you until you aren't around. They may even WANT to remove these things but don't want to stress you out if you have been saying not to do it for you. I think you should talk to Janell about this and just see how she feels. She might surprise you. Us women are strange creatures. We do everything to keep our man happy, even things that don't make sense. Like bringing home leftovers because our husband said "Please don't make yourself go without because of me." Even if we WANTED to do that, we won't because we will do whatever it takes to keep your stress at a minimum.
And yes, I know we are pretty good at upping that stress level too when we want (lol) but you get my point here. Talk to Janell about what the two of you can do about this to prevent it altogether. Sometimes we just have to remove the temptation cuz our weakness is overwhelming. It's not just you James, we all have weaknesses regarding something or another. And MANY of us suffer from weakness when it comes to food.
Be proactive not reactive.
Love you all!
Alright so... I've been telling myself I need to work out just to get back into shape. Today I decided to try Yoga, like you... Plus I did four perfect pushups (the girl kind) today, as for the yoga, you are my hero! I did about twenty minutes and I thought my wrists were going to snap, my arms and legs are all shakey and I'm pretty sure my hands will fall off at any moment. I just wanted you to know that you inspired me to do what I have been thinking about doing for about seven months now. I love you and I know you have it in you to do anything and everything you want to do... You just have to believe in yourself.
ReplyDelete