11-23-10 A positive addition to today's serious post!

Please read the previous post. If you did than you know how it didn't really dive in to me as much as previous posts, but it is still important info to consider. Anyway, i was out for two days and the reason was due mostly to finals. I started my new classes on Monday as well and I was a little overwhelmed. However I was extremely positive and focused. I attribute this to the changes I have made recently.

I was very depressed when I started my blog. I had very dark things in my head about my future, and I started to doubt my ability to change things. Worse than that, I knew my wife was disappointed in me. This was the biggest effect for my changes. I love my wife, and look at her as my best friend. I could see the pain in her eyes when she would look at me. I knew she would hide her tears when she saw me in pain. I was sick of her defending me to everyone.

The changes in this area are so unbelievable now. She has admitted to me that not only am I a positive influence on her, but she admitted through tears how proud she is of me and she has noticed an incredible change in me. I again remind her of the man she married. I can not tell you how empowering it is to have that change in our relationship. I have never been one to let a challenge beat me, but this has been more than that. I have uncovered demons now that would have destroyed my mission before, and now I have this new understanding and commitment unlike ever before. I attempted to touch on this in previous posts but I just don't know if I can ever explain it in a way that you can truly feel what I am feeling. This is for me, this is out of love, not self hatred. This is not just a diet, it is my new life. I am a caterpillar in a cocoon, just incubating and waiting to spread my wings.Until next post, James.