This has been fun

So I have been considering, and came to the belief that this blog is not doing for me what was originally its intent. The conflict with Facebook over being able to post this blog freely has only solidified my desire to say good bye to this format. I will be posting my updates to my home page on Facebook, and this is going to fit my lifestyle at the moment  anyway. So to all that have supported me, Thank you, I love you, and I am not quitting my battle. I am continuing through Facebook and I hope you will continue to support me there.

1-19-11 Catching up...been busy

Wow, it has been a while since my last post. First let me tell you where I am, I did my weigh in on Saturday but I didn't have time to get on here, I have 2 and 1/2 weeks left of this class session  and everything has really loaded down as far as work due and due dates, so I have had no time at all.

After the big loss of my last post I was expecting another big week, but I didn't loose anything, but I didn't gain. I know why, I haven't stuck to my water intake, and I have been doing convenience eating. I have made decent decisions in the food choices but I was doing the grab and go items and not watching my salt intake. This is such a key element to weight loss that is over looked today, everyone is very focused on calories and fats and they miss that balancing factor of sodium. This element will define your metabolism because it is how the body uses your fluids. When you don't support the balance in your hydration and cleansing that sodium and water intake does, you can still go into a slow down phase in your weight loss. So for anyone not looking into sodium intake, please research it a little and add that into your "things to watch" column.

I am still doing the calorie counting through the weight watchers point program that I detailed a couple of posts ago, but I am finding this to be very permissive. Not a bad thing when it comes to cravings, but it has been bad when it comes to healthy eating right now. I have looked at some foods and immediately thought, "Hmm, I have enough points, so why not," instead of looking at the fuel aspect or benefits of the foods. This has made look into creating a chart for myself that is designed around my favorite foods. The chart I am thinking of will be color coded based on the benefits the food will provide for me. The color code of this will resemble our national security scale, with red being for things like high sodium, fats, and sugary items such as coke and double quarter pounders made like big mac's from Mickey D's. Yellow will be for things that are in the almost bad phase that are still on the higher end of the "bad" scale like, a sodium rich chicken sandwich from any fast food place. Green will be for...well all the good, clean, beneficial items like super foods and salads. 

I don't know how long it will take to actually make a chart but I would like to start posting pictures of my progress soon and I will post the chart after I get it done as well. Other than that I am caught up on my school work and trying to get a bit ahead now so I can start doing something else with myself. I have also finally been able to get a workout started again as of today because next week I want another big number!

So the Progress Report goes like this, still 491, but feeling great. Back on track in school and starting to workout again today. I have been on track with weight watchers and I am proactively avoiding cravings, but I need to get a little better with good food intake so I am designing a chart to help me in that. and Pictures will be coming soon. Other than that I love you all and thank you for the blessing you are in my life everyday. Thank you for reading and I will be back on here soon. James.

1-8-11 Re-First week results

I started my commitment to my health over exactly 1 week ago today. Today is the big day! I get to see if the adjustment to my plan and following the weight watchers points plan in addition to the vitamins I posted in the last post, as well as the high fiber, actually paid off.

This week I have had no cravings, that is the first challenge aversion I needed fulfilled with this transition. I also have been focusing and exuding energy, this is a nice change from the depression and drained stage of the pneumonia. So no matter what the scale shows I feel better and I will continue to be driven by that fact.

I will cut right to the chase here because I am very limited on time right now, this is why I need to apologize for not posting once again. My classes for IT have really ramped up the amount of work I need to do and I also had fallen behind from being sick. So this week has been all about catching that up and getting back ahead, so I can start balancing my schedule again. Then I might be able to finish my wed page and keep this blog up to date again. I thank you all for being patient with me right now.

So...Drum roll please.... Are you sitting, cause I WAS SOBBING FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES!!!

I lost 22 lbs this week!

I started back on my program at 512 lbs. After reaching a 30 lbs loss between 11-10-10 and 12-10-10, I was at 504 lbs, and then I spent the rest of last month sick and on drugs that caused weight gain and depression (Pharmaceuticals suck). I am now at 491! I broke 500 for the first time in over 2 years and I am only 7 lbs from my first 50 lbs goal. I am beyond excited. I am so happy! And at this rate I will be at my 300 lbs goal by the end of the year for sure. I love you all and I need to go for now, but I wanted to share this joy with all of you. Because of you being here I have been able to fight through some extremely difficult times and for that you may never know how grateful I am that you are here. You helped to save my life just by reading and supporting me. Thank you so much. James.

1/4/11 Vitamins

I re-established my vitamin intake today. The difference in my attitude and energy is incredible. I have been suffering from a major lack of energy and motivation since before my pneumonia, and today the exact opposite occurred. I have been sleeping a lot due to being so tired and I had totally reversed my schedule to where I was literally going to sleep at around 7am and sleeping till about 2pm with at least 2 naps to follow. I was feeling like a vampire, and my kids, although they were fed and I was here, they were pretty much alone when Janell was at work. I would only get up to feed them and settle a dispute, otherwise, for the last month I have been out of it.  My attitude has stunk and my house and school work are a wreck.

As of this morning I got up at 8am, ate, and took all my vitamins. My vitamins are: firstly, "the berry vomit" or vitamin code supplement that I have told you about before; second, 1000 mg Vitamin C, 2 Green Tea extract capsules, 1000 mg Omega 3 fish oil, 300 mg St. Johns Wart, Vitamin B-100 complex cap which covers all 11 Vita B variations, and finally 60 mg of Ginkgo Biloba extract because I have felt a bit foggy as well. I took all of this with my breakfast and I have been bouncing off the walls, motivated, clear headed, and best of all happy. I have been doing my school work, cleaning the house, and playing with the kids all day. It is amazing to realize how much being sick takes out of you, I must have been very Vitamin deficient after all the meds and being sick. I am just sad that my kids were having to deal with me this way even after they had gotten better. My wife was a trooper and kept going into work, but she has taken a while to recover as well and now I am certain that she is also in need of some replenishment to help her over that last little hump.

I want to workout later but like I said, my house is beyond ridiculous right now. So depending on how much I get done today, I may finally be working out again tomorrow. I actually really miss the Yoga and the other videos I was doing. I am so happy to feel alive again, you have no idea. For now it is on to get my house back in order and start living again, instead of hiding out and sleeping my life away.

I also want you to know a little more about my plan, I will be updating my website with the full layout as well, but for now I am just going to put an overview here. I have a point allotment of 64 points through the Weight Watchers program. So that means I have up to that 64 points to use for all my meals for the day. I am keeping a food journal now and with that I can calculate the amount of points I have used against that allotted 64. OK, so I know a lot of you are going to want to know how the points are calculated, so I will attempt to explain here. But as always if you have any questions, let me know and I will answer or give a reference to something that will.

The original allotment that you are given is based on a few items. Age, set in a reverse order of 4,3,2,1,0; against the youngest to oldest age range 17-50+ in 10 year intervals, you choose your range and add those points to your list. For example, I am 33, so for this question I receive 3 points. Next sex, as a male I receive 8 points, female gets 2 points, with a nursing mother receiving 12 points. Question 3 is, how tall are you? Under 5 ft = 0 points, 5' - 5'10" = 1 pt, and over = 2 like me. Question  #4 is the weight question, so what you do is take the first 2 digits of your current weight and that gives you your points in this category. For example I was 512 on 1-1-11, so I get 51 points here. So then the last question is your regular daily activity level, it is set on a 4 way scale with 0,2,4,6 as the points you receive, I get zero here on purpose. So that adds up for me to 64.

The way used points are calculated in food consumed is hard to explain without the slider scale that I got as a member of weight watchers. but it averages out to about 45-50 calories per 1 point. The reason why it is difficult to calculate is due to dietary fiber and total fat in grams, being variables in the equation. The calories are the basis of the original scale, but the fiber and fat counter act each other, fiber is a positive for you and fat a negative. OK, so there is the basic idea of the points, seems complicated at first but it really isn't. I also have been through the program before and have books and previous lists of points for food so it is a but easier for me to start again. I do recommend writing calculated food points down the first time you eat something new, if you plan on doing this, then you will know your favorites by serving size and memory soon enough, then the program becomes a fun game. Now keep in mind that WW does offer counseling, group meetings, weekly weigh ins, and all kinds of tips to keep you successful, so I do recommend going through them if you never have. I am not at this time due to finances, but if and when that changes I too may return to the meetings.

So I am back with a vengeance, and excited to see how far I go now. Now that there is no stupid food soaked holidays, illnesses, or just plain old depression in my way. I will continue to get up and fight and I hope and pray that my struggles will be a light in your life and inspire the changes you want to make. I love you all. James.

1-3-11 Full circle

After much review of past programs, I have come to the conclusion that I already had one that fits all of what I want in a plan and the need to customize one is not as needed as I had originally thought. I have been reminded as to how great a program Weight Watchers is and will be basically following that now. I will however still focus my intake around high fiber so as to get the best results.

For those who are not familiar with WW, you are basically calculating caloric intake of everything that you put in your mouth and placing a point value on it. You are given a daily point allotment for you to budget your intake with. So then you have total control of what you eat, as long as you only use your allotted points for the day. The points used are less with the healthier the choices made, so if you want to eat more food and still fit with in your allotment, you need to eat healthier. And with my focus on fiber, (you get points back from high fiber), I can actually gain quantity by sticking to a high fiber diet. You also gain points back from exercise, so again I can gain food intake quantity by working out, or just save those extra points up. The main idea is to learn what is healthy and what is not, along with portion size, through a point budget.  This point budget allows for any food to be included in your diet, (ANY food), this is great for cravings and addictions because all you need to do is deduct the points from your budget. As you lose more weight the allotted points decrease as well so you eventually are weened off the bad stuff as well, but it is in a more natural reduction than what I was attempting.

I believe that this will be a great way to stay on track and still integrate the Dr. Gerson healing super-foods that I have been studying. I believe in WW from past successes I have had, but I had to stop using this plan before due to a combination of finances (expensive required weekly payments to be a member) and my wife having to follow a special diet for her pregnancies (also costly). I had actually forgotten how great this plan was. Fortunately, I have been working on a website that would make it easier to follow my story and part of that was researching the past plans I have used. I am happy to find that the Flex Plan from WW will fit my needs well, but I will use this blog as my weigh-in and accountability, instead of going in and paying to do the same thing.

As for my website, I am still designing it and I will keep you posted as to when, or even if at this point, it will be out. I say 'if' because I was designing it in order to describe a plan that I was attempting to design and now that I will be following this, I no longer see a need for that part of it. However, the organization I have on that page through a Bio and other pages would allow for people to jump right in to my blog, without having to go back and re-read all my previous posts. So I ask you...should I continue with creating my own site, or do you think this blog will be enough? Please let me know, as always your feedback is incredibly important to me and is highly valued. Thank you, love you all. James.

1-1-11 New Year's Resolution

I have had a rough few weeks. I lost the will to continue in the plan while I was sick with pneumonia. I was on steroids and ended up gaining 8 lbs. I found myself using the possible weight gain from the medication as my excuse to abandon all restraint. I fell off the wagon so to speak, but instead of just falling, I dove in head first clinging onto my new shiny excuse like it was a back stage pass to my favorite band.

I have been depressed due to my actions and I was avoiding this blog because I knew what posting on here would mean. I would find myself facing the truth about the decisions I was making. I was most frustrated with the fact that I knew I should have been eating even healthier, but I reached for chocolate instead. I indulged in all of the Christmas treats and did not hold back at all.  

So as in keeping with tradition I issued myself a challenge for my New Year's resolution. I am expanding my page from just a blog to a website that will make it a lot easier for people to follow my story. I am adding a links page for the study information that I use. I will be organizing the page for people to either follow daily or on a once in a while basis. The challenge I have issued to myself consists of combining all the knowledge I have and rediscovered since the inception of this blog into a concerted effort that will result in 300 lbs lost in 365 days. I may stumble along the way, but I know the efforts I make this year will be beneficial either way.

So there it is, I am refocusing all of my efforts now that I have recovered from being sick, I am no longer on the drugs that were causing me to gain weight. I don't have any more excuses and have felt the defeat of the last 3 weeks already catching up with me with my breathing and back issues. My resolve is stronger than it has been and I am looking at the whole New Year's resolution as my time to reinvent. All the same requested input will apply to my new site as well, and I have a page dedicated to the best advice I am given. I will still continue to attempt to reach as many people with this as possible because I am hoping others will be helped with my journey and especially the help from all of you.

1-1-11 Progress Report. Broken and frustrated but never giving up. I am now back at 512 lbs and more than deservedly so. I have been reinvigorated by my failures the last few weeks. I am now focusing all the knowledge I have, to design a complete plan that is easier and more fitting to me and my addiction to food. I was really frustrated with the severity of cravings I had before because of the dietary changes I had made. So the new changes to my plan that I am making will no longer not allow me to deal with the cravings. So until the site is up and functional, I am here learning my weaknesses, dealing with my addictions, striving to survive. I love you all and thank you for your patience with me and prayers. Happy New Year and 2011 is going to be a great year. James.

12-23-10 Thursday christmas weigh-in

I have not been able to do my program at all this week. I have been suffering with pneumonia and a severe bronchial infection for 2 weeks now. The only thing that I can say is I am starting to show some progress in my healing finally. I have slept so much lately, whether I wanted to or not. I haven't  had any energy to make the right foods, let alone work out, and they have me on steroids now so I know I am gaining weight at the moment. I am not letting this deter me, I just see it as a momentary bump in the road. I do ask for you prayers for me and my family because my wife is also fighting a severe bronchial infection, and my kids are both dealing with heavy colds. It is tough to say the least, but I know this is almost behind us. I know we are all going to need a week or two to detox after we get through all this, I have a pharmacy in the cabinet now. I have tried more garlic and oinions, but with all the other stuff I am taking, I don't know yet what that is doing. I believe the effects of everything else is too much for the natural effects to show through but I fear eliminating the drugs completely at this point because of the severity of our condition.

I am actually really tired right now so I am going to make this short. I have gained 2 lbs and I haven't taken my measurements, so next week I will be able to give you better stats. I am retaining water and I am taking steroids, so the weight of 506 at this point is meaningless. I love you guys and I hope all of you have a merry Christmas, I will get back in this next week and I will have better news. James.

12-16-10 Thursday's weigh in

This week has been about recovery and survival. I have been feeling drained and down with the culmination ending up in a full blown flu the last few days. I have been taking medications rich in sugar and alcohol, so my metabolism is going to need some work this next week. To speak of this week, for me, it resembles the feeling of being stuck on a frozen pond that only has a thin layer of ice separating you from a slow frozen decent into the eventual afterlife. I use this analogy because of the choices I have been making lately stopping me in my tracks. It is as if I had originally fallen through the ice, and climbed out of the ferocious undercurrent that would have surely swept me away. To now only be standing on this cracking ice a few steps away, frozen with fear and unable to move forward. I know the moving forward gets better with each step, and I have already come so far, but at this moment I stand here. I have had two weeks that I have been sabotaging the efforts from before, with decisions that I knew would be denigrating. I was just getting my resolve back on track, and then I got smacked in the head with this illness junk. Grrr, Argh, Blah...and all that. I wanted to scream, I have screamed, and I have still continued to make questionable decisions in my food choices. OK, so maybe it hasn't been that bad, but I am a bit frustrated with myself because I know I can do better. I know how to stop and think of my choices, stop and feel each bite of my food as if I were meditating on the texture and flavor, rather then just cramming it down. I know this and yet I have been cramming lately, eating a little bit more each time, and still being hungry after. So, like Thanksgiving, I found resolve to reinvent. I will be discussing this in more detail once I have an actual plan formed fully. Right now I am reading up on a few foods that are supposed to focus on your belly fat more specifically, and this is where I believe my focus will be in the near future. I will also be setting up a weekly menu and posting it on here, then my blog can be more of a review of how I did on that menu. I believe this may be easier to write, rather than a daily "what I ate today." I am only a month into this blog and so much has changed, I have been learning so much from all of you as well as on my own. I just want to continue to let you know how important you all have been in this. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

Progress Report. Today the scale says I have not gained, but I have not lost either. I was not shocked because of the choices I have been making and the lack of exercise, coupled with all the medication and laying around this week due to being ill, and you have a stagnation situation. I have neglected the eating of my large salads before the caloric riddled meals, as well as the "Berry Vomit" very nearly being removed from my daily routine. I also did break one of my "survival" rules of not finishing food on another family members plate, once this week. Knowing this, I can fix it, and I will, going forward I will be planning out my days just like an alcoholic in recovery would. Whew, all this negativity in this post, for that I am sorry. I did however lose another inch around my waist. Maybe this is just a natural readjustment from previous muscle gain, because I have seen my bad choices and feel this is more likely the issue in the smaller numbers. Especially when I should have broken the 500 mark this week. No! It's still a win for the week, right? So, still 504, but now 70 inches around my waist. I love you all, and I continue to be inspired through your presence. This is me, fighting hard not to fall through the cracking ice, and suffer the promise of hypothermia, James. 

12-15-10 wednesday before weigh in

Hi guys, it has been a few days because of school, being sick, and various other interruptions. I don't see my schedule freeing up for a little while, so I think I will have to scale back this blog for a while. I will make sure to get the Thursday post in for sure, but due to this terms classes, along with the usual Straughn household spontaneity, I am having a really difficult time doing this daily.

I have been sick so I am not working out like I should. I did a good one the day before I started to feel this thing come on, but I haven't since then. I also have been really stressed about school this week, so I have been fighting urges, but I have been OK on my plan. I think if I had to give myself a grade for the week it would be a C on the exercise, and a B to B+ on my food. I have been looking into ways to eliminate the struggles I have been having, and I believe I may have a few ideas that will benefit my fight on the urges front as well as others who are looking for an easy program to follow that use some easy belly fat burning tricks. I will discuss this more in a later post as well as a daily food intake for those who want to know what I am eating on a more regular basis. This food diary portion may be a highlighted edition for a while, till I am able to start posting more again.

I have wanted to scream for help a few times this week because I feel helpless sometimes when it comes to some cravings. So that is why I think I am in need of a new approach. I will still stick with high fiber, low fat, but I need something else obviously, otherwise my body would not fight me the way it does at times. I am determined to lose this fat and get healthy, so these minimal set backs will not defeat me, but they still bum me out sometimes.

As far as a progress report, I will do this in tomorrows report with my weigh in. I am sicker today then I have been this week, so I am gonna call this good today, but I will be back tomorrow. Hopefully with some good news. I love you all, thanks for reading. James.

12-12-10 Quick update

I have to make this one short because of the amount of homework I have due today. I have been struggling and have not been able to shake it, the weigh in helped, but I have been too busy to really stick to my plan the way I want to. So inevitably I have been starting to feel down and cheated badly last night, it started out as an excuse because I was hungry and had not eaten for almost 7 hours, so I ordered a huge omelet and cheesy hash browns with a side of pancakes, with butter and syrup, from village inn. Then we ordered pie, because we were at village inn and that's what you do there right.

Last night I did the "I don't care cause I'm hungry" thing. The dark and sinister cousin of the F-U gorge. I also saw the return of another Nemesis, the "I can't leave that delicious looking, paid for food, on my wife's plate" monster. It was only 3 bites of chicken fried steak with pepper gravy and eggs, only one of my favorites, but still. I then sampled (we all did) everyone's pie and also eat half of my own. OK, OK, I know 7 hours wasn't that bad to go without food, but I did only eat a half sandwich, and a small bowl of cereal the entire rest of the day, and I was coming from a 1 hour hike through the re-enactment of the 70 mile journey the Jews took on there way to Bethlehem. A really cool interactive walking Christmas play. But now I am just making excuses. The fact is I made the wrong choice and i didn't care, this is what bothered me.

I made immense improvements in my life and lately I keep throwing that away. So today I started fresh, I dusted myself off and started new, I did my longer version of my exercise routine today, which means my whole Yoga and an additional 20 minute workout. Today I chose "The Biggest Looser Cardio Burn", and Holy of Holy's did it. I also did the BERRY VOMIT...BLEH! Both of which I have neglected for over a week...grrr. I also did something else, I found a new way to release some stress. I am an artist on many levels, but most of all I love the entertainment of it all. I also love to write and feel like there is a huge release from within when I do this. So combining these two passions I started a creative writing and poetry blog. Like this blog I want your input and perhaps your poems and such in the comments. I would love this to grow as well. Find it here...   http://mysanctuary-bigtea505.blogspot.com/  .... By doing this, I feel like I maybe able to release some emotional ties to my food constructively and stay firm to my goals here. Join me.


As always I am humbled by your continued support and prayers. I love you all. James.

12-09-10 Thursday's Weigh In

I've had a hard time this week finding time to do this blog. It has been a combination of getting stuff out for Christmas, medical scares, and tons of homework. I apologize to those of you who follow faithfully, even though this week seems like everyone has been hit with the busy bug....lol. I was doing the study for this blog on top of everything else and I just didn't have the time to do the work needed so I will pick it back up when things start to settle down. As for my diet, I have been really hard on myself this week because I felt like I was cheating a lot, but looking back and comparing to how I used to eat I was still doing really well.

I did partake in a few regrettable items though, like a cup cake yesterday, 3 extra pieces of garlic bread at dinner last night, lacking on my water intake the last 3 days, lacking on taking my "Berry Vomit", and lacking on my workouts (mostly due to injury, but still). I felt like my resolve was shaking, I felt like I had hit that motivational wall that you hit when first starting a new diet. I am talking about that moment that everyone realizes that they are doing well and they start to use that as a reason to treat themselves over and over again, and inevitably fall out of the diet. Its like the best friend who means well but keeps stabbing you in the back in the process, that little pat on the back that is poison for your program.

Everyone should know what I am talking about, you weigh yourself and see, lets say 20 lbs lost, and feel overwhelmed with joy. But the other part of that is you are really sick of giving up things to succeed, you are really tired of salad, you are really tired of the struggle of working out. So you decide, "I am doing well, so I CAN have this extra piece of cake" (or whatever treat), and never really show the same dedication, then your guilt and anger at yourself causes you to just say, "Well I've fallen this far I might as well enjoy myself for a couple of days and then I will start over." Then that couple of days never ends and you end up on the yo-yo and gaining all that you lost and then more.

I was doing this as a new way of eating, not just a diet. I do have a goal of loosing the weight, but I have a bigger goal of getting healthy and being a good example for my family. So when I started to feel the wall creeping in, I had to do an inventory and see that I was not viewing my journey the same as when I started. It had become a diet, and the chore of dieting came right along with it. The love for myself had slid into a loathing of my fat. This is the wrong approach. I had to re-evaluate, and not loose focus.

I learned a new factor to my addictions through this week though. I have a physical addiction to the way certain foods feel when I swallow them. This sound really weird, but it is the only way I can describe what what I mean. Flavor is a huge factor, but when a certain texture is added in to the equation, I go crazy for the food. If I don't satisfy that physical side to my eating, I am hungry or craving something else with in an hour. I discovered this last night, because the thought of McDonald's food makes me sick, but when thinking of the actual action of eating a Big Mac, and that mix of flavor and texture that a huge bite gives you, I want one in the worst way. I don't know what that is called, but I am exploring ways to satisfy, or at least relearn this reaction with other foods.

Any ideas?

12-09-10 Progress Report. Like I said, this week was a struggle, unlike any before. I have had to re-evaluate my approach and realize my true focus again. So, I was not expecting a big number at all this week. However, I have done a lot of strength training and Yoga, which is also doing strength training, so I really was not sure what effect, if any, that would have. Well, I lost another 10 lbs this week, the only thing I can attribute this too is the muscle gain from all the previous work I had done. Janell wants me to recognize that I am doing way better in my choices then I am giving myself credit for right now, but I know I can do better....lol. Anyway, I started at 534, and today I am at 504.2. My waist measurement was at 74 inches over a year ago and I know I was bigger when I started this, and today it is at 71, so I am on my way people. Once again I have to give you all credit for staying with me on this, the accountability has once again shined through trials that would have destroyed me before. I love you and thank god for your support everyday. James.    

12-07-10 Tuesday, Continued Studies and Updates

I had a plan to go very deep on nutrition this week. I have had to make some adjustments this week due to the unforeseen schedule destroyers, so I wanted to still share some good info today and then move on to my updates.

First, I wanted to cover sugars and fats. The main thing I feel everyone should recognize is the effects. The reason for this is because anyone can say do this or don't do that, but people don't listen to this kind of conjecture without a hint of evidence to back it up. I decided to cover both sugars and fats in this one post because they are so interrelated. The problem I am running into is the amount of detail needed to fully cover the sugar fat spectrum. So instead I am going to give you some great links that cover this information in a clear, short, but very concise list.The following links were chosen because of the variety of information that is covered as well as the shortest articles I could find with this information. Great places for further information aside from these are the mayo clinic, and Dr. Oz, both are great and very in depth resources.

Sugar: first know the names. There is many forms that sugar comes in, as well as foods that produce excess sugar in the body. Beware of all carbohydrates, this doesn't mean cut them completely, it just means know what ones you need, and what ones have no nutritional value what so ever. A couple of rules to help you find them when reading your nutrition facts labels. I'm sure I will miss some but this is a basic list.

#1. read the labels- not enough people just do this simple step.
#2. if the ingredients say enriched and or bleached in reference to flour or wheat...stay away.
#3. you only need 32 grams of sugar a day, if you know you will have a boost of protein in a sitting, then you can allow a few more carbs due to this being the fuel the body uses to process the protein. If you are trying to loose weight, stick to a lower number, between 15 and 30grams per day.
#4. corn syrup, dextrose, saccharin, aspartame, lactose, fructose, are all harmful if not monitored, natural sugar is the best and if needed should be the only sugars consumed.
#5 carbs are sugar, sugar is simple carbs.

If you start studying anywhere start here, know what's good and what isn't. here's the links to get you started.

http://www.healingdaily.com/detoxification-diet/sugar.htm
http://ezinearticles.com/?Sugar-Lovers-Beware&id=9389
http://www.organicnutrition.co.uk/articles/is-sugar-bad-for-you.htm
http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/nutrition/carbohydrate.asp?printpage=true
http://www.lifeclinic.com/focus/nutrition/sugar.asp

Fats: There are four to be aware of! Read you labels!

Unsaturated, (polyunsaturated and monounsaturated), The good fats.
Trans, unnatural and bad cholesterol (LDL) causing. Partially Hydrogenated oils = Bad fat
Saturated fats (Four Legged animals, tropical oils, some poultry, as well as dairy) = Bad fat.

http://www.odec.ca/projects/2004/thog4n0/public_html/typefat.html
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=532
http://health.howstuffworks.com/human-body/cells-tissues/fat-cell.htm

OK, that's enough homework for those of you not aware, or even those wanting more details on these. For those of you who know about these things I expect feedback and more references.

12-07-10 Progress Report. I have had a few days of emotional trials and non stop busy-ness, so I feel my food has not been as good as it should be. However I feel like I have made up for this in my working out. This is no excuse for the dessert I had at dinner last night, but I am overlooking that at the moment...lol.

I did the entire Yoga workout without struggling, this is huge because I have been doing this workout for more than two weeks and I have had a few spots that caused me to drop a knee or stop that part early. I was not dealing with this issue at all on Sunday. I did the whole thing and was ready for more. I then moved on to a one mile walking workout that was actually perfect for me. It offered a substantial challenge, but I was able to do the whole thing only struggling in the peak of the workout. The pace was high but I kept my breathe. This was huge considering my hips and back factoring in to walking in general, and not previously allowing a great distance for me to travel.  So, WOO HOO!

So the last thing that I did was a gift for my Uncle Scott. This is a man who is revered in our family as a true hero, a real manly man. He has conquered two of the four main military corps, earning incredible honors and ranks. He has traveled into deployment with honor and valor, only to come home just as gentle and kind as before he left. I love this man, (no "alternative" overtones in your mind please...lol). This man has decided to add more push ups to his daily workout, matching the amount that I do. Now, maybe its a guy thing, but when your bro, your buddy, your pal, lays down a challenge like that. YOU CAN'T BACK DOWN!! Now I would be disrespecting his commitment and love if I did not do all I could to share some of my struggle with him. So out of complete honor to his efforts to support me (<<<not kidding here), I had to do as many as push ups I could humanly manage. Now I remind you, my last weigh in was 514 and I have not worked out like this in at least 15 years, and I have been nearly docile for 2 years. I did 20 push ups. I did it in three sets 12,5,3. And they are girl push ups, but I did them and freaked out everyone in the house, including myself. I was done at 12 and really struggled to get that last one, then I sat there and said that's not enough, Scott deserves more from me, so I squeezed out 5 more. Then I was so close to 20, I had to keep going. The last 3 were probably the hardest push ups I have ever done in my life, each one harder then the last but I heard scott screaming in my head pushing me on. He was like " HOLY SH^!...I HAVE TO DO HOW MANY MORE?"....Yah baby!

Anyway, this has been an ugly week and I am working on getting it back on track, as always I love you all and thank you for reading and supporting me in all the wonderful ways that you do. James.

12-5-10 Sunday - Recommended Nutrition Amounts

I have been reviewing the information that you all have been giving me and it has lead me to a few discoveries that I want to cover over the next few posts. First I found a style of eating that covers all of what I am going to discuss, Mediterranean. I will go more into this later, but first I want to talk about focus and recommended amounts.

My goal and focus is essentially long lasting good health, so what does that actually mean? I have decided to start covering this more in every post. First, I have recently found that my focus on the numbers from the scale, are not the most prominent answer to this question. This can also become very frustrating if you are running into stagnate numbers on a scale even if you are feeling better. The main thing to remember in this case is that everyone has a different muscle and bone density, so the healthy number on a scale for you, will be different from everyone else.You and I should actually be focusing more on our Body Mass Index (BMI). Healthy BMI, is actually very easy to calculate because your height should be twice what your waist is in inches. For you to be with in the optimal (safe) health range, you need to know that the most dangerous fats that you retain in your body, are stored around your waist. So I am 6'1'' tall, which is 85'', so my waist needs to be at or preferably below 43", because my waist is bigger than this, I am putting unhealthy amounts of toxicity and pressure on primary organ function, like the liver, heart, and kidneys. Giving your body its daily intake of vitamins, nutrients, and trace minerals is essential and great to help support healthy organ function, but this should be part of a larger plan and not your only focus as mine has been so far. I also know there are many things you should do to help your body cleanse itself, and I have not implemented these enough. I will cover this in a later post.

The most over looked toxic items in our diets, are the "too much of" items. I am speaking of the different kinds of fats, our sodium (salt) intake, and the sugars, most of which are in our foods already. For example, we need sodium in our diet because it is used in essential muscle function as well as balancing bodily fluids. However, too much is a killer, so how much is safe? lets use a teaspoon as a measure. 1 teaspoon is equal to 4 grams. If you have high blood pressure like me, then you should not exceed the following amount daily.1/3 of a teaspoon of salt or approximately 1.5 grams of salt, (1500 milligrams). A normal amount for anyone else is only a little more than 1/2 a teaspoon, or 2400 mg and most of your packages calculate for 2500 mg, this is already wrong for everyone's diet. Pay attention to the grams or milligrams on packaging and do not exceed the amounts recommended because too much salt throws your entire system out of balance. The adverse effects from too much salt include all the leading causes of heart disease and are largely overlooked. Everyone focuses on fats, calories, and sugar, but most people forget about salt.

So now that we know 4 grams are in a teaspoon, we can visually see the scale more easily that is on the "Nutrition Facts" on everything we eat. There are a few discrepancies, but this is actually a good scale to follow. However, this is generalized, so I recommend getting your blood work done at your doctor, and get a more definitive chart to follow from your doctor. I have high blood pressure, so some of the things on this general scale are not right for me and following this scale blindly will still put me at risk. Knowing your own numbers are the key to long lasting good health as well as weight loss.

So, I have decided this post should be a general overview and to break all the information up into a few posts because of the details, and I don't want to be too boring on here. So tomorrow we will get into sugar and fats. Now onto my progress report!

12-5-10 Progress Report. My plan is going well, I did have some hamburger yesterday (which is high in saturated fats...more tomorrow) but I feel I didn't go overboard because it was balanced with the rest of my day. This study is largely to help me eliminate cravings (like hamburgers) and make it a little easier to follow my plan. Sodium intake has a lot to do with cravings! I didn't workout yesterday because of my back, so today I have prepped and I will be doing my Yoga as well as a simple 1 mile walk video that I found. I am excited to get back to working out, even though I am procrastinating right now and continuing to write words into this really long sentence so as to avoid having to actually do the work that I am bragging about so heartily in this motivational post designed to fix my life and rejuvenate my spirit both of which are done through Yoga as well and I should really realize this and get off this blog now instead of continuing this clickity clack of my keyboard which is so relaxing and helps my meditation and is part of the whole healing thingy too right?.....whew...OK! I am off to contort and drench. I love you all, and thank you for being on this journey with me. James. 

12-4-10 stress reduction saturday

A lot of people expressed concern about yesterdays post. I want to clarify a few things. I promised not to go into detail, but yesterday I received some bad news about someone very dear to me and I was stressed about it. I am still dealing with it but today has been better. I am still doing well and I am not the one who I was worried about yesterday. I do apologize about all the ambiguity but I promised not to expose the situation on here because of the amount of readers and this person wanting to maintain their privacy for now.   

So good news today! It has been probably 4 months since the last time I was able to drive due to a few reasons. One, I couldn't fit, my belly was too big to be able to get in past the steering wheel. Two, I would start to get painful back spasms, and that's just dangerous. Three, I had a hard time steering and checking blind spots. Well, I drove today. I was able to squeeze in to the drivers seat, my belly was on the steering wheel but I could still steer. I had no trouble with spasms or checking the blind spots. I AM MOBILE PEOPLE!!! (Yoga! Yoga! Yoga! Everyday I find more and more reasons to love this torturous pretzel impressionism,) ...(Ohh wait ... I now know how this exercise was created. It IS pretzel worship! It was a form of artistic dance that was created to pay homage to the unfulfilled carb addictions of some sick and demented dieting freak....who actually was probably an accidental genius....so thank you you stretchy bastard, for helping me restore my mobility...oh and sorry about the no pretzel thingy). Getting in and out of the car is still a bit rough, but I can finally do it. This triumph has not only been incredibly sweet for me, but my wife can breathe a little easier about the times I am here with the kids alone. I have said it before and I will say it again, you don't know how much you miss something till it's gone.

As far as stress, the name of the game for me has been reduction. I love this blog for that. I re-read them all, as well as the comments, and found my center again. I was also blessed with some very supportive family members who called as soon as they read that I was having a bad day. I also love you guys, some of you went out of your way to make sure I was uplifted, I Thank you so much it really means so much to me that you are here.

As far as working out, I am now in my third day of rest due to over doing it Wednesday. I believe I pulled a muscle in my mid back so I have been taking it easy. I am going to try the Yoga warm up after this to see how it feels, if I don't have too much pain I will continue. I will update you on this tomorrow.

12-4-10 Progress Report. Recovery and refocusing while reducing stress. I love you all, and as always I am humbled by your being with me on this journey. James.

12-3-10 Friday's post

Today has been incredibly stressful. I won't go into it, but I have felt incredibly tested emotionally today. The result is causing me to not even come on here today. Bleh...sorry....Anyway, I have made a discovery that may actually be effecting my mood as well. I think I have a food allergy.

I started feeling sick and getting cramps and spasms in my back after I had a raw PB and local honey sandwich earlier. I was eating PB&H all the time before I had started this diet and I am wondering if I was having a reaction to it before. Because with some of the crappy-ness I am feeling, I am reminded of the feelings prior to starting this diet. I did also have my acupuncture and massage yesterday so that could also be part of it. Even the stress and lack of sleep from today, but the timing has me leaning towards a food allergy at the moment. If this is the case, I think something positive could come from it. I may have discovered a trigger for symptoms that destroyed my mobility before. There is also the fact that I killed myself in my workout Wednesday night and I am showing those effects still. Again I have to defer to the timing of my symptoms though. I will be testing this out, and I am kind of hoping that I do have an allergy because I could focus on that as well. I could be even more productive in the changes I am making.

I do have to say the events of today have left me struggling with cravings and not even feeling the workout. I am trying desperately to shake that mood because I don't want to sabotage my progress. I am praying for some enlightenment and inspiration today. I love you guys and I will let you know tomorrow how it goes. No progress report today. Love you all. James

12-2-10 Thursday Weigh in

A LOT OF INFO TODAY...buckle up!

This has been a difficult week, full of emotional trials, and GARGANTUAN temptations.Thanksgiving was an incredible test, and I was almost completely successful. I started working out because of that nights gorging and my greatest progresses have been since. So I am no longer looking at Thanksgiving as a failure (like I did the next morning), but rather a turning point in my attitude to one of determination. I am training myself now like an athlete before a championship match. I look at food as fuel and the flavors that I crave are a chance for me to find out what my body needs and thrives on. I love myself like never before. I am completely satisfied with the moves I have made, even the little bumps in the road that are inevitable. I have an incredible family and cheering section that has pulled me through some very turbulent moments, and my gratitude is eternal, without you I would have given up on Thanksgiving.

I am seeing a pattern in the posts here and in my email. People are not completely clear as to what my program is like. So I will give you the basics here and hopefully that will help you understand what is working and what isn't, and the advice can be more specific as has been requested.

I am on a high fiber, low calorie diet. I drink at least a gallon of water a day, and either 1 glass of 2% milk or 1 ounce of cheese. To be more specific. I am doing a rotation in my mornings between a High protein and a High fiber breakfast, this swapping helps me to keep my metabolism guessing and less likely to slow down because of the lower calories I am now ingesting. This has also allowed me to see how my body reacts to each. I do have fiber and protein in every meal, but the protein is far more scarce than the fiber as a whole. Fiber comes in many forms and it is important to get all the forms in your diet. You get fiber from Apples (and starchy fruits like that but Apples are the best), green veggies, well all veggies, nuts, beans, and whole grains. You can also get fiber in dairy but the fat content is a negation to the benefits of the fiber. Proteins also come in many forms, meat, poultry, and fish, of course, but nuts, beans and lentils, along with some veggies and fruits as well. OK, so an average breakfast example would be either a half cup of cottage cheese or oatmeal, a piece of fruit or melon, and a half cup of whole grain (like grape nuts etc.) or nuts, I love raw almonds. Caloric intake is in the range of 400-700 and I feel energized. I also have a raw super-food elixir called "The Vitamin Code" 1 ounce, that I take with breakfast...this is the BERRY-VOMIT!!! BLEH...but it really works and it is rich in trace minerals that we are all deficient in.

Lunch consists of a bit more flavor depending on the breakfast I had. I will usually have a whole plate size salad with 2-3 different greens including spinach, carrots, fruits, possibly some cheese, tomatoes, and some kind of nut or bean. Then if I am still hungry I will have a hearty organic soup. This is also the time of day that I will have some small portion of meat, usually chicken or fish, and if I am going to allow a sweet in my day it will be with lunch. What I mean by sweet is like bananas, these organic berry flavored chips that I found by "YOGI"...mm-mm, or I will have a square of my organic Belgium extra strong dark chocolate. It contains 77% cocoa content and is highly dense in antioxidants. This chocolate was a bit intense the first time I tasted it, but now I let it melt in my mouth and it really is very good. The flavor starts like an lightly sweetened espresso and slowly transitions to a fruity blend of chocolate and coffee. It covers my coffee and my chocolate fix at the same time, but again, I don't eat that everyday, but it has eliminated my chocolate and coffee needs almost entirely.

Snacks will consist of a piece of fruit, berries, or nuts.

Dinner is always a huge salad  and whatever protein or fiber I have left to consume for the day, and if I need more (which is rare), I will allow an Emily size (my 2 year old) portion of the dinner my wife and kids are eating. I use the FDA scale for the recommended intake for my fiber and protein, but I am thinking I am nearly doubling that in my nutrient and mineral intake.

The dressings that I use on my salad is low sugar, and they mostly consist of oil and vinegar, but I am still sparing on my use. As for my total calories for the day I end up between 1900 and 2200 everyday, and my recommended amount for weight loss is 4300 (isn't that crazy?). The basis of my diet is also Raw organic with as little processed or cooked as I can handle.

As you know I have also started working out. My "last chance workout" yesterday was a test of my progress. One week ago I attempted a 20 minute beginner boot camp class. I was dying just in the warm up and only lasted about 4 minutes steady, I continued going as much as I could through this class but only did another approximately four minutes cumulatively, including 5 push-ups. I then found Yoga and I have been doing that everyday since and the strength and mobility only a week later is incredible. So, I started yesterdays workout by doing a different Yoga class, it was a 47 minute class and I did about 15 minutes of it because I was using it as a warm up and didn't want to kill my body on this alone. Then while searching the menu for this boot-camp class that killed me, I found two dance workouts that I had to try. I did ten minutes of a hip-hop class that almost made me puke from the intensity. Then I did the Merenge class for about 3 minutes. I was not coordinated enough for that yet, but it was fun and I will be working on that one. I took a break between each and was determined to see where I stood against this boot-camp class. I was already sweating like "working girl" in church when I began, but to my amazement I lasted 11 and a half minutes. I was hurting and out of breath so I ended the workout, but not before I did 6 push-ups. I ended with my original Yoga class cool down and started crying when I realized what I had just done. In just one week I went from barely able to even warm up, to this. I am not saying my working out wasn't an ugly mess, but I was able to go for a lot longer than I had ever imagined. I spent all of an hour and a half, with breaks included, on the workout and the feeling today is unbelievable. The other benefit of the Yoga is the stretch keeps me from cramping and spasm, so even though I did all this craziness and killed myself, I actually handled it quite well. So, for those of you taking the Yoga challenge with me, (I got a little verklempt when I read that...I love you guys) The results will blow your mind, stick to it.

12-2-10 Progress Report. Today, I went to my Acupuncturist, and because of how soar I am I am taking the day off from working out. I also had 3 celebratory doughnut holes, and coffee, but that's the only wavering I have done. OK are you ready for this....drum roll please. I started out at 534 on the 10th of November. I lost 8 lbs the first week, 2 lbs the second. And I had the incredible and challenging week listed above that resulted in a 10 pound loss this week. Imagine my surprise, I was retaining water this morning and was very skeptical, to only be nearly floored with the 513.7lbs reading on my scale. I attribute this success to my failures, my working out, my wife's incredible love and wisdom, and finally YOU. You have no idea the amount of motivation your support gives me. I have purpose beyond myself and a constant reason to continue. I love you all, I am so honored and humbled to have you on this unbelievable journey, and I am always hoping to continue to inspire. James.

12-01-10 Yup, it's Wednesday

Today, I received a call for conformation about my bi-pap order. I woke up with a headache so this was good timing I suppose. Anyway after a year I am finally getting this equipment and hopefully I won't need it for very long. I am feeling alright today, its kind of a blah day so far so I need to shake that somehow. I did realize that my cravings may be tied to a lack of vitamins because since Thanksgiving I have been pretty lax about taking my Berry-Vomit stuff. bleh! Anyway, I took it last night after a two day hiatus, and I felt better. I am wondering now if my headache isn't because of toxins being released and needing to be flushed out. I will look into that more and let you know.

One thing I will be doing is more push-ups today. Last chance workout today and I want to check my progress, so I will attempt that 20 minute challenge again, tomorrow I want a decent number. I need it after the week I've had, but I know I may pay for some of the mistakes, so my fingers are crossed. I am very excited to see where I am at though. 

I want to take a minute to say to those of you who have been posting on here, Thank you. I know I don't respond to most of the posts directly, but i do take the advice and try the tips that are given. I want you to know that they are all great and the information in these comments has been outstanding. I decided when I did this that it was going to be very interactive. I wanted to make you feel like this is as much your blog as it is mine, because good information given on here may save a readers life as well as mine. So I want you all to know how important your posts are. I believe this is Gods will that I do this post, and the people who might be touched are being blessed through your words as well. So again, please keep it up, I love you all. and I will save my progress report for tomorrows weigh in. Off to sweat like a cold glass of ice tea on a hot humid summer day. James.

11-30-10 More truth

I have done good in many ways since Thanksgiving, but I have been battling cravings even more since then. I believe I may need something in my diet that I am not getting, but does that justify slipping off my plan? I do need to find out what I need, so how do I achieve this without a binge incident? I am seriously asking all of you for help in this because I did it again last night. I know most of you have said this is something I should not get down about. However, for me this is an issue of control.

To allow for better understanding, here's what happened. It was once again the middle of the night. I had reheated the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers for Janell and she had left it out after she was done. About an hour later she went to bed and i saw it still out and I finished the remaining Green bean casserole and the candied yams, there was about a cup of each, maybe a cup and a quarter. The whole thing made me sick, and today I feel body pain, I had a headache, and I was nauseous most of the morning. I am just glad that I don't have to see any more of the leftovers, but why do I do this?

I feel horrible about throwing food away. I grew up knowing what it was like to go through times not having food. My mother was a single mother of four, and we seemed to never get ahead. We knew desperation at times. I was also sent to my grandmother's due to my abusive step father and I would gorge myself at my grandmothers, almost uncontrollably. The worst thing is she would defend it to anyone who caught me, also due to the "emotional damage" I had because of my step dad. I feel like this might be where some of this control issue came from, as well as the need to finish all the food and not waste any of it.

I have known this was a problem of mine for a long time, and I thought I had dealt with it in counseling, but I now feel very frustrated because it has such a power over me when it hits. In that moment I feel like I am compelled to not waste anything, and I get really mad when there is something thrown out. I don't know what to do because I can be doing so well and than it just hits me at the least prepared moments and I fall. I need your thoughts.

11-30-10 Progress Report. Frustrated, flustered, and utterly disappointed in myself. I will be doing Yoga after this post, and I have done it everyday now, but I don't want this to be due to guilt, it needs to be because I like it and want the results it gives. I am not as down on myself as I was on Thanksgiving and I think that is due to the Yoga as well. However I need to find out why this is happening and the scientist in me is grumbling...lol.

On a side note, if this is the first time you are reading, I invite you to please read all the posts so as to get an idea of where I am in this. I love the advice I receive, but it means a whole lot more if you know what I have been covering.

I love you all for following, I am completely humbled and honored that you are along with me in this journey, thank you more than you will ever know. Lastly, read my wife's comment post from yesterday's blog, she is my light house in the storm, this will give you an idea why. I wish she knew just how wonderful she is. I love you honey. James.

11-29-10 Fun with the kids and working out

So, I missed a day for my post because of a combination of Nathaniel's birthday and school stuff, sorry. My boy is so excited to be 5 years old though. He can't wait for school, and he wants to be home-schooled, which we are wanting to do as well. It seems like just yesterday we were at the hospital and I was holding him for the first time. :(... My boy actually got three days of birthday this year, so we were very busy, and he was in heaven of course. I was seeing many more triumphs during these days though, and it's so great.

I first must tell you what it was like for me to get ready to go anywhere before I started, in order for you to understand. I would have to prepare for my shower by stretching my back and making sure my hips were aligned. I would lay a certain way to get them to "pop" back into place and then I would have to recover from that. This took anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours sometimes, all due to the painful back spasms that would occur. I would then get in the shower and have to use long towels to get everywhere, this was a workout and I would struggle and run out of oxygen, so I would need to recover during and after the shower. Another 30 minutes to an hour there, and sometimes if my back was really bad I would need help from Janell. Then once I was able to get dressed I would need help with my shoes and socks, once again because of my back, hips, and my belly for this is a problem. After all this, if I over did any of it, I would have to stay in the car or ride a cart in the store to go anywhere. I was in hell.

Well, the last few days, I have not only had no problems getting ready, but I have not needed any help and I have been able to breathe without having to stop at all. Today, we went to Peter Piper Pizza for Nathaniel's final Birthday play-date. This place is a fun-house pizza place like Chucky Cheeses, and if you have been there you know just how crazy it gets in there. I kept up with the kids the whole time. I only sat down a couple of times. My back was fine and I only started to get a little pain in my hips toward the end. We must have been there 2 1/2 - 3 hrs. You know how they say you never know how much you miss something till it's gone, well this was certainly one of those things. I have seen the disappointment in my sons face when I can't play with him, and I never want to feel that low again.

I attribute this to my recent working out. I started a few days ago with the guilt workout that nearly killed me, but I have been able to keep going through yoga. I am determined to get my strength up to a point where that other workout is able to be accomplished. Now, about Yoga, OUCH! I mean wow, it is really impressive how painful that can be. Yes people, stretching comes with various settings; there is the AHH setting, the OOOHH setting, and the SOMEBODY SHOOT ME setting.

Now I know of the first two because I have felt them along time ago, in my younger years, when I was an athlete. Now I go straight to the final stage and dream of passing out to end the pain. Visions of unconsciousness dance in my head. I think the person who invented downward dog should be thrown into a kennel of hungry Kujo's while wearing a suit made out of raw steaks. I especially dislike the oh so positive tone of the workout instructor when they say, "mmm ooo doesn't that feel so good, such a good stretch....just breath into it," while you could mix paint on the shaking my ass is doing, and my loud wheezing is making the neighbors look outside for some lost wandering 90 year old asthmatic. UGH! But just as the pain gets almost unbearable, my muscles get really warm and start to release, my back pops, and my breathing regulates. I feel euphoric and energized by the time I am done. That doesn't mean I am not soar the next day though, another ugh there I'm afraid. I am noticing ease of movement already though, and I like it. I love the bonding that working out provides for my kids and I, and the other day Janell did Yoga too, I am so happy with the changes that are happening now.

11-28/29-10 Progress Report. Contorted and bruised, twisted and ringed, but happier than I have been in such a long time. I love you all, and hope your having as much fun with this blog as I am. As always I am so humbled and honored to have you along with me on this journey. James.

11-27-10 Guilt Workout

Yes, I tried to workout yesterday out of shear guilt. I went to my on demand feature for my cable and selected something on Exercise TV. They have a lot of different workouts for you to do, ranging from the very basics to a one and a half hour boot camp workout. I watched a few to find the easiest one that I thought I could handle. This was very revealing. I selected the easiest class but it was 20 minutes long. I was already skeptical, because at 523.8 on my last weigh in I am still a lot to move. I am still having a hard time breathing when active, and 20 minutes to me, might as well be the hour and a half boot camp. I decided to watch it through once and learn the moves so I could transition smoothly while I worked out. This proved to be somewhat helpful, and humbling. As I sat there learning the sequences, not only was my son doing the whole workout, but I was getting winded just moving my arms around and pretending like I was doing the exercises. I was convincing myself that I'm just not warmed up yet so as to stay positive and still be able to actually start the work out.

My son is such a motivator, the whole time he was learning the exercises on the first run through, he kept saying this is fun daddy, you can do this daddy, just watch me daddy and do it like this. I was so amped by the time I started the actual workout that I forgot about all the negative thoughts I was having. I love my boy so much it's ridiculous...lol. Anyway, I started the 20 minutes, the lady put a clock on the screen which I think was just to torture you! I went through the 2 minute warm up and I was feeling pretty good, my back wasn't hurting, and I was still breathing relatively well, and my kids were right there working out with daddy, both cheering me on. I was getting into it. So the pace started to pick up and it was as if she read my mind through the TV, I immediately felt my back starting to show signs of cramping and spasm, as she said "you can do this!" A determination was welling up inside as the we started to go through the first set. It was starting to get harder to breathe and my back was not backing down, so in a panic I looked at that big blue clock...it had not even been four minutes including the warm up. I decided right then that I had to keep moving even if I couldn't finish the whole workout. I started to just walk in place to try and catch my breath. the timing was perfect because she started to do squats....HAHAHA ya not happening. My boy was like it's OK daddy you can do it, let's go! lol.

I felt so guilty about Thanksgiving night that I just had to do something productive, if for no other reason then to restore my own self confidence. Up to this point of my workout, I had already learned something about myself, I am stronger than I had been giving myself credit for, and I have a lot of work to do. I was in this walking in place point of the workout when I could not breathe, I was struggling to get any air and I started to feel faint so I had to stop. Angrily, I sat down for a few minutes and I caught my breath. The moment I felt OK again, I stepped back into where the video was at and tried to continue. At this point the video had gone to the floor, I did FIVE PUSH-UPS! I am 524lbs people...AND WHAT FOO...YE-UH!  (((hands up while saying this and head wobbling showing attitude on my face))) lol.

Well, OK, so they were girl push-ups, aaaand my belly made them more like roll-ups, but hey...I did them.

Anyway, the video finished that part and started to get back into the cardio/leg work. This time it had incorporated some Kenpo Karate, so I was getting into it since i had studied this as a child. I was trying to tell my son the moves we were doing and my breathing started to catch up to me again, but this time my back did have it, as I was throwing the last set of punches I got stuck turning to the left. I grabbed my back and waddled wheezing to the couch. So there I was, stiff, soar, sweaty, wheezing, and gingerly placing myself on the couch, realizing that I had made an effort. I was a little shocked at what I had done and embarrassed by how little I had done, it was an odd sensation. But, I changed my defeat from the night before into a triumph in that moment.

11-27-10  Progress Report. I am starting my round two training with a bang, though i know my working out may be premature, I needed this to prove to myself that I am on the right path. I stuck to my diet yesterday and eat nearly all raw foods and was never really hungry. I did have about a 3/4 cup serving of spaghetti with my family, but it was the only real carbs and meat I had that day. Today I started with cantaloupe, cottage cheese, and grape nuts. A half cup of each, well a bit more melon than that, but that covered my proteins and part of my daily intake of my essential fiber, minerals, and vitamins. I feel a renewed energy towards my program today, and I am now off to try my hand at some beginners yoga....STRETCH FAT-MAN...  STRETCH! As always I am humbled and honored to have you with me on this journey. James.